“Attatchment in Adults” – Is It Possible to Switch Styles?

Question by Desert-Drifter: “Attatchment in Adults” – Is it possible to switch styles?
I’m 30 years old and I recently discovered that I fall into the Anxious-Preoccupied attatchment style, which agrees with statement “I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I am uncomfortable being without close relationships, but I sometimes worry that others don’t value me as much as I value them.”

I believe that this is a possible cause of problems that I’m having in my relationship. I worry a lot of how my girlfriend feels about me? I want to be around her most of the time. I feel that my girlfriend is not as close and intimate as I’d like.

What I have mistaken for “love and caring” is correctly labeled as “being clingy” and would most probably drive her away. Other than hearing replies “Just stop being that way!” I would like to hear your thoughts and views on past experiences and steps to take for a healthy relatiship?

P.S. Check Wiki “Attachment in adults” for more info on this

Best answer:

Answer by Brutal Honesty
Of course one would have a hard time determining weather the dysfunction is in you or in the individual ladies you pick.

Which you like to counsel on this matter? I’ve got the same issues, only I don’t see it the same way you do, I’m 26 years old, and I’ve lost 2 girlfriends in the past year because of this very fact. But alot of it came down to when I looked at their troubled lives, I saw it was this LACK of closness that has been the biggest burden to them. And me, having a father that show’d me a sort of closness with love I can not sell-short, I want’d them to have this too. But just scared them away, but then again, both ladies were melested at young ages, had absent/neglectful parents LONG HISTORIES with drug abuse, so I’m I the one with the dysfunciton or our they the ones with the dysfunciton?

Ether way, if you’d like to chat about it, I’d love to, e-mail me……. please don’t let that, “Anxious-Preoccupied attament style” keep you away now, I know it’s the internet, not the best suppliment, but heck lets take advantage of the forum, check out my profile, I’m not full of crap, well atleast not everyone thinks I’m full of crap……

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