Really Long, but Need Advice for a Friend Who Thinks Pregnancy Is the Key to Solve Her Problems?
Question by Brittany!: Really long, but need advice for a friend who thinks pregnancy is the key to solve her problems?
So I’m in need for some advice for my friend. First off, this may be a little long so bare with me.
My friend Chelsea and I have been good friends since Freshmen year of high school, we both just graduated. Me & Chelsea would do everything together, mall every weekend, double dates, tell eachother everything. Got our prom & homecoming dresses together..so on. Then when senior year rolled around she enrolled in the exchange student program & was picked! So she spent her whole senior year at a school in London. It was definitely different not having my best friend there for all the activities & fun things that come with senior year, but i still had a terrific time. We didn’t really get to communicate much either, she was always really busy exploring London. Although we did Skype a few times. Well, in early November, my boyfriend & i of four years found out that we were expecting.. it was a H U G E surprise to us because we were very cautious of this, i was on the pill, & he used condoms. I did not tell Chelsea while she was gone i wanted to wait until she got home. She was supposed to be back in May to graduate with our class, but instead she graduated at the school in London which confused her family & i, because all the people who care for her are down here. We talked a few days after she graduated & she told me she was having a fantastic time, she met a guy that she likes a lot & she would be spending the rest of her summer in London. So i was happy for her, she just graduated, go have fun! So anyways, she came home a week ago, & we met up for lunch today. I’m now 38 weeks pregnant, she was very surprised but very awkwardly happy for me. She told me she is going to move back to London with her boyfriend within the next few months..then she told me some things that really took me for a surprise… first of all this girl was a straight A goody goody, never touched a drug or drink in her life, she was just a happy cheerful teenager. I guess while she was in London things really changed.. Before she left she was a little hefty, she probably lost a good 40 lbs. I congratulated her on her weight loss & she responded with “thanks to the cocaine” at first i laughed..until i realized she was serious. She told me she is addicted, & she has tried a whole bunch of other things. She even asked me if i wanted to try something new that she got from London with her, knowing i would never do that, & not to mention I’m pregnant!!! We went to my house after lunch, she was close with my family since we have been best friends for 4 years. She would always stay with me when her parents would fight which would always end up being a couple nights a week. We talked about a lot, which i won’t mention because it was very personal stuff. When she saw my sons room, it was like she was in a daze, she went over & sat in the glider & we talked about my pregnancy & such & she was asking me all these questions. Then before she left, she told me i was going to be a great mother & how i inspire her to have a baby! I asked her what she meant, & she told me the only thing missing in her life is a child. I know I’m not the perfect person, I’m still young & have A LOT to learn I’m 18, i just graduated, i own a car, work 2 jobs, start college in the fall. My boyfriend has a job, owns a car & has been in premed school for the past year. We’ve been saving up what money we can to have our own apartment by December. We may not have all the money in the world, but we will be able to make ends meet when our son gets here which is anytime. Chelsea has no job, a car that runs like crap, lives with her parents that she can’t stand because they argue so much, she’s addicted to drugs & who knows what else! She just met her boyfriend. I want to help her, i just don’t know what to do. She has been my best friend for 4 years, & i don’t want to see her through her life away to drugs & end up pregnant. & the way she is now i can’t have her in my life. I need advice to tell her. This girl is like a sister to me, but right now I don’t know who she is. Any type of advice would be greatly appreciated.
Best answer:
Answer by FaZizzle
First thing – you really should have told her he moment you knew she wouldn’t be home in May. She’s hurt. How is she supposed to react? “Congrats on getting knock up before marriage?” I mean really – it doesn’t eliminate the fact that you’re her age and having a baby. She’s just as shocked at that as you were at her behavior.
Here’s the reality: You can’t do anything to stop her. If she feels that a baby will make everything better, she’ll make it happen. Coming from your mouth especially, it wouldn’t effect her. You ARE having the baby and you ARE in the better life. You alone proved that it happens, even if it isn’t the truth.
Personally, I think you need to decide now: Is she REALLY your sister – because I know I wouldn’t give up on my sister, no matter what she did. Or, as it sounds like, is she really a friend who has grown a part from you?
I wouldn’t say this whole “I can’t have a part of my life the way she is now.” That’s giving up on her. It’s your choice, but I will say that your attitude needs to be checked. You really are feeling the glow of motherhood, which is great, except you’re almost getting arrogant about it.
Ease up on her. The next time she says that, just laugh and say that you wish it were that easy. But just keep talking to her. Stop comparing your lives and taking pity on her. She’ll make it. Whether you’re in her life or not, that’s up to you.
Answer by Meagan Holmes
Just sit down and talk with her. Tell her that your conversation (the other day or whenever) kind of has you worried for her. Explain things the way you just did to us, but delicately. Tell her that raising a baby is expensive and challenging. And while she envies what you have, she hasn’t seen all the expenses or the hard work it is going to take you and your boyfriend to raise a child. Also tell her that even if she decides to try to have a baby anyway, you are worried regarding the drugs. Tell her how much damage it can cause to the baby if she does get pregnant, diseases, mental problems, physical deformaties, etc. Not to mention the tole the drugs are taking on her body may seem ok (ie the weight loss) but that there are other, more healthy and appropriate ways to loose weight if that is a goal of hers. And if she continues, tell her that if she contiues to make these types of decisions, that you will have to remove yourself from her life. That you can not subject yourself or your child to those types of lifestlye choices. Tell her that it will make you very sad to do so because she means so much to you, but that you have to do what is best for you and your family. Hopefully she will straighten herself out and was just joking around. But if not then she is in for a world of trouble.
Best of luck to you, and I hope this helps some! Congratulations and good luck again!
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